prayer for radical forgiveness (audio poetry 3:19)

This prayerpoem first appeared here in 2008 and was reposted several times over the years. Audio was added in 2015.

Forgive me for not sharing fully in your pain
for my own basket has been filled with seedpods
of blossoming sadness
and ripened fruit dripping
with disappointment

Forgive me if I do not remember your name
or the light aching for release from your crown
for I have been searching too long
simply to remember my own name
and the codex that bears the story that is mine

If I have seemed aloof, apart,
forgive me
for my sense of alienation
has weighed heavy for eons,
despite an unfettered yearning for authenticity

Forgive me for random bouts of arrogance
for detours short and long that led me away
from unbridled compassion,
for untold moments in which my own inner brilliance
blinded me and left me seemingly no choice
but to return to refuge,
for brief inbursts of hesitation that kept my heart
in check while a calcified mind carried the reins
in its tightened grasp,
forgive me

For sequestering myself in the face
of emergent tenderness
forgive me
For pushing away your outstretched hands
in the name of independence
forgive me
for clouding love with judgment spoken or believed
for not peering deeply enough into your frantic eyes
for clinging fearfully to the riverbanks and
forgetting to let go and be carried by bands of angels,
forgive me

For giving to others the care and nurturance
I could not muster to give myself
for giving my power away to darkness
within and without
for giving undue honoring
and withholding true reverence
in the face of fear or interference
for giving excuses and rationalizations
time and again

For giving up moments before
everything was given to me,
for choosing fear over love
confusion over clarity
conversation over contemplation
noise over stillness
illusion over truth

For this and more, for every morsel
for the sake of The All

forgive me