this i deserve: affirmation for the deeply worthy

Fruit Piece, Jan van Ruysum, Oil on panel, 1722

when others rushed to the trough to feed like hollow pigs
i remained content with crumbs scented by the hand of god,
laid before me on scraps of thrice-read newspapers

and now, the ripened oblations of the holy,
this i deserve

while all around me, those of faint courage clanged shut the gates
and retreated behind windowless walls,
i opened up doorway after doorway
cloaked in a herringbone of tremor and valor,
freely sharing the keys to my most delicate sanctum sanctorum

and now, the master key to unimpeachable joy,
this i deserve

in exchange for oceans of tears shed over countless hearts
blades of grass and bloodstone,
in exchange for rampant willingness and unshakeable faith,
for waiting while gnawing at meals of hope swimming in optimism
i deserve a seaworthy vessel stocked with all manner of provision,
a gentle breeze at my back to lift me o’er a riotous tide
the sun and moon chanting in sacrosanct communion
a glimpse of the near horizon and the promise of a shade tree
dripping with first fruits,
this i deserve

showerings of love from the core of Creation,
this i deserve
authenticity that mirrors my own,
full-hearted responses over thin-necked reactions,
presence over projection
a few choice words that reek of consummation and gravitas
spoken without hesitation and reverberant of tone,
this, o this, o this i deserve

an ungloved hand,
contents proffered unsinewed in a sheen of transparency,
a steady gaze from shimmering eyes
a glimmer of recognition that swells resonantly
before vanishing in evaporative evanescence

footsteps that move toward me with hushed determination
a kiss planted sublimely on unrumpled cheek,
ringed circles of nested knowings
embraced by waves of flowering familiarity

bushels upon bushels upon bushels of rambunctious birdsong
the shine of the infinite spreading in a rapturous glow,
my every desire met with a disproportionate outpouring
tinged with neither sacrifice nor renouncement

this i deserve
i deserve it now
and grateful to receive,
i am deserving

10 thoughts

  1. I hear a free form poetic rave, backed by a tribal jazz techno band improvising to the sonic landscape of your words ~ an immersive performance piece with lights and images projected about the space in a long slow Bolero type crescendo into the Light… something simple like that perhaps ;-)


  2. Leslie,
    Hmmm, the “holding the ankles” imagery intrigues me. Am I doing sit-ups, or are you keeping me from floating up into the ethers? Sweet kisses to you…

    Wordless, I swoon…

    Even with all those long, multi-syllabic words? Might you be the musician I’ve been waiting for?

    Thanks so much for visiting. Your henna belly art for pregnant women is Divine! I sent you a private email — would love to hear what the Goddess Stephanie Moore is cooking up in her creative womb.


  3. Hi Rachel,
    I’ve been looking at your site and reading these beautiful poems and affirmations you’ve written and they are really neat. :) I am hoping to connect to you, Stephanie Moore of Becoming Mothers suggested I talk with you, she has an idea for both of us.


  4. Oh sweet lady Rachel, You are soooooo deserving. This is soooo beautiful. You live in my heart as a drop of sunshine and every poem of yours expands the drop and soon will overwhelm me, I can’t wait.


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